I am reading the bio of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In it there is an account of when they when to a summer home and one of the family members swam out toward the middle of the lake after being warned not to. Some distance from the shore they began to sink. The one in charge of watching them threw off everything that would slow her down and jump in to begin to swim out to the person in distress. Reaching them, she pulled them back to safety.
As I read that I began to think about how many are drowning around us. How many are trying to swim in waters that they have been warned not to. And now find themselves sinking. How many?
Then I began to think about how many would drop everything to save them. This fact came close to the Crawford home this week. Nicole (my wife) has for some time researched her family tree. In doing so her grandmother, who has now passed away, gave her some books that she had about their family. So, for Nicole these books were not only important for imformation but also for the fact that her grandmother gave them to her. Just this week Nicole was asked to bring them back as we are returning to see family. Knowing certain things, she knows she will never see the books again. This is were God allowed me to watch. To bring the books, meant almost certainly that Nicole would lose them. To withhold what her grandmother gave her, would certainly mean division. What to do?
As the spiritual leader I am entrusted to assure our family is steaming the right course. Nicole was adamant that she would not relinquish the books. So much so she was willing to risk tension and division. This may sound silly, but we all find ourselves doing the same things, including me.
I was forced to pray about this. After some time, I approached Nicole with what I saw as the best solution. Risking even division in our home, I shared with her that I felt the best thing to do was to let the books go. I know what was going through her mind; "How could he say that, Who's side is he on?" The truth of the matter is I could not believe I was saying that. I have stood soundly on her side over bigger things and now I have to tell her I do not agree with her stand on this! But something interesting happened.
As I explained why I felt the way that I did and that they were just book and that they were not worth the division. I said this: "What if God wants the books?" You see I understand the spiritual climate in the family, but that was not me saying that. "What if God wants the books?" Nicole had expressed her point and how she feels and that she was upset at the person who really wants the books. Then these words came out, "What if God wants the books." Then she said something that sat me down, "Why do we always have to give up everything?" "Why can't we keep things we like, why does it have to cost us so much, when it doesn't everyone else?"
Wow, I was stunned for a minute. Here was a woman who has given so much and paid so much for Christ saying these words. It was not that I was disappointed in her, she was saying the same thing I thought many times. At that point, my passion for my wife wanted to say "keep them." "If that is what you want keep them." But that is not what came out. I asked her what if those books were the key to reach members of her family? What if? What if those books were things that would slow us down? Keep us from swimming out to save them. What if it was the difference of standing on the beach waiting for someone else to go, or just striping down and jumping in? How many of us stand and watch because we refuse to cast of those things. I know who Nicole is in Christ and I knew she knew what she had to do, but she was still warring. She was looking at the books and then looking out in the lake, looking at the books and then looking out in the lake. I knew that in the end she would do what needed to be done, but it was not easy.
She later texted me this: "Just seems like we always have to give everything while others just take and take and are required to do/give nothing. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to at least keep something important to us."
Me: "Nicole we get to see eternal things people will never see. Not even in ministry. I want to think that is worth the cost. Yeah we are required to give a lot, but I also want to think it is a privilege to be asked to. But only those who will give it get to see what we see."
Last night I walked by our suitcase which was on the floor and beside it were two books. Never said a word, but I just smile and thanked God that I had a wife who will "strip down" and jump in. We may never see the results of those books, but I can assure you we will see people rescued from the lake.
Isaiah 6:8, "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying: Who should I send? Who will go for Us? I said: Here I am Send me."
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